You Can Never Be Too Careful
by ferret assassin nin
Summary: You can't be too careful anymore, you've got to reach out a little more-Careful by Paramore no belong. Reid/Morgan centric.
1. Chapter 1

**You Can Never Be Too Careful**

**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is definitely not mine. Which gives me freedom to do whatever the heck my twisted mind wants! ^o^**

**Warning: Self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide, and possible spoiliers. Rated M**

**Summary: "You can't be too careful anymore. You've got to reach out a little more." Song-fic, Reid/Morgan-centric "Careful" and "Ignorance" by Paramore isn't mine!**

_Chapter 1: Caution: Person under pressure_

It was the last thing he thought would ever occur to him. All of those countless hours with the team, his family, yet he still can't stop the spinning. He wants everything to vanish; just to be free from all emotion. All of his fake smiles and rambled statistics are making him sick. He can't handle the cases anymore. It's like no matter where he goes hell's sure to follow. He just wants to be feel the taste of freedom; becoming a soaring hawk and let everything float away. Why does everyone have to make it so difficult to leave?

"I settle down a twisted up frown

Disguised as a smile, well

You would have never known…."

The lyrics pop into Reid's head suddenly and he shakes them out. He needs a clear mind. He pulls out an old lighter his dad left behind and turns the flick on watching the flame flutter like a drunken butterfly. He chuckles dryly and places the flame against the tip of his middle finger, hissing at the pain accompanied by the dull ache inside him. The world stops spinning and he feels a peaceful calm. Rolling up the sleeves of his sweater-vest, he examines all the old burn marks with little interest. Morbid thoughts creep to mind as he grazes the flame across the top his bicep. He shakes them off as he burns yet another area of skin; this time being the top of his shoulder.

"You can't be too careful anymore…"

Again the lyrics pop up and he attempts to shake his head to get rid of the pointless thought. He goes to another area of flesh, the tip of his elbow, but stops as Morgan's voice pops into his head.

"_Reid, you okay? You look pale."_

Spencer closes the lighter and throws it across the room making it hit the wall and rebound into the near desk trash can. As he pulls down the sleeve of his sweater vest again, he feels the dull thud of addiction shoot through his veins. He starts shaking and can't stop making him cry in frustration. He wants to stop, needs to stop, but doesn't want to feel every little evil thing in this world again. Tears fall harder as JJ's voice pops into his head.

"_Spence, do you sleep at all?" _

A very harmless joke that he forced a laugh at. Now, the joke is bothering him by making unwanted thoughts reoccur. He pulls off the rubber band on his right wrist and flicks it across the room watching as it lands in the trash bin with the evil little demon lighter. A grey fog pools around his head making everything hard to focus. He hears the rushing ocean water coming to drown him. He needs to get out; to think. His legs fail him as his shaking worsens and then something falls out of his pocket. A goofy picture Garcia took of the team while they were celebrating Reid's birthday in the BAU. He picks it up and thumbs the curled corners and looks at the unfamiliar tall guy in a green and gray sweater vest with a silly looking party hat on. He tosses the picture down as fresh tears fall down; the people in the picture far too happy to seem real.

"_Reid, are you sure you're alright? I'm responsible for this team and that doesn't exclude you."_

"_I know. I'm fine, really, Hotch."_

"_Spencer, talk to me if you need to."_

Hotch used his first name to address Reid earlier in the day after the team headed their separate ways for the evening. _My first name…_

"I settle down a twisted up frown

Disguised as a smile, well

You would have never known"

The lyrics come back into his head and echoes making Reid scramble for the lighter again. He pulls it free of the bin, flicks the whisk, and holds the open flame against his wrist. Again, Morgan's concerned voice resurfaces in the back of Reid's head and he resists the urge to scream bloody murder. That's it, instead of burning, he should try cutting; that should level his head. The mere thought of holding a knife of any sort aside from a butter knife scares Reid to death. Then, if that's the case, why did he throw down the now unlit lighter, walk out of his bedroom, into the kitchen, reach for the small butcher knife, and offer his left forearm to the sleek object?

"I resist you just like this…."

Reid hears Morgan's voice through the door after three loud knocks against it. He wants to put the knife away, he really does, but there's something he wants to do with it first. Morgan's voice comes through the door and reaches Spencer's ears but he's already drawn the blade across his wrist; more frantic yelling and knocking that gets ignored again. He does it again, only higher this time; and again, again, again, and for a last time. Everything stops spinning; he feels nothing but pure bliss, making it all the easier to ignore everything around him.

"Shifting your way to throw off the pain

Well, you can ignore it but only for so long."

The warm fluid making its way down his arm and into a pool on the floor, the door's lock being picked, rushed footsteps, more frantic sounds…just as soon as the bliss came, it leaves giving way to the throbbing pain in his whole body, the salty tears falling in intervals of three down his cheeks, the worried and confused and concerned face of Morgan. Everything comes into view again and pure ignorance drains away to pure agony and frustration and everything emotion that Reid never wanted to feel again.

"Aw man, kid, why did you do this?" He hears Morgan say making the remains of wispy fog go away.

"I-I'm sorry, M-Morgan…I-I just c-cant…." Whatever words that were in Reid's mind died on his lips and his mouth felt like cotton. He wants so badly to take back ever doing this. He wants to tell Morgan everything's fine and that he can handle his own. Hell, there are tons of things Reid wants to but can't find the energy or the will to accomplish said items. His mind drifts back to when he was hooked on Dilaudid. Is he addicted to burning and cutting too? He glances at the sandy tan towel turned dark red in some areas and see Morgan's left hand applying as much pressure to his forearm as possible. _How did this happen? _Reid's able to think as the throbbing pain continues until he finally lets the itchy darkness take him. He hears a muffled voice reach his ears lulling him to sleep and then, suddenly, several of them.

"You can't be too careful anymore

You've got to reach out a little more."

That haunting lyric pulls through the sludge of Reid's mind and suddenly he finds himself fighting to stay grounded. He feels something heavy being lifted off his shoulders, thinks he hears a voice saying soothing words keeping him from floating off in the blackness. Reid finds himself drifting in and out of consciousness and catching bits and pieces of conversations, but not being able to find the strength to sort them out into logical sentences.

"Welcome back, Dr. Reid; we're going to need for you to stay with us for a while, okay?" Reid can't find the energy to agree or disagree and his limbs feel heavy and numb.

"That was a close call. Man, Reid, don't ever scare me like that again!" This voice he recognizes and he fights against his tired mind to strain his ears and hear more of Morgan's soothing voice.

"I-I can't t-tell you…" Reid struggles to find words in his numb and dulled state. He licks his dry and chapped lips and swallows. "Thank you…I-I'm sorry, M-Morgan, I r-really am. T-tell the t-team n-no-not to worry- I'll…."

"Don't talk, just rest, Dr. Reid." He hears one of the EMTs say. Reid closes his eyes and lets sleep take him.

**At the Hospital**

An hour after they arrive at the hospital, Morgan calls up the rest of the team and explains to them what all has happened and where Reid is right now. It doesn't take long for the team to arrive and JJ's the first to ask the hard question.

"Why did Spence do it?" No one really answers and she looks to Morgan who's pacing back and forth in agitation.

"I don't know. I thought he wouldn't do something like this. I thought he said he would call if he needed to talk. I don't understand any of this."

"This isn't the Spencer I've come to know and love!" Garcia exclaims in despair and Morgan stops his pacing to try and comfort her. Finally, after what seems like hours, a doctor comes out.

"Dr. Spencer Reid?" Everyone in the room turns and looks at the doctor expectantly.

"How is he?" JJ and Morgan ask at the same time shocking themselves and the rest of the team.

"He's fine. We needed to stitch him up a bit, but he'll make a full recovery." The team, even Hotch and Rossi, let out sighs of relief. "However," their tension is renewed. "I'm afraid to say that the nurses informed me he wasn't sure he could stop and they recommend immediate help. Also, he's cleared to leave the hospital now."

"What's your professional opinion then?" Morgan asks the doctor who now wears an expression of strained happiness.

"Well, I think, other then the fact he's physically healthy and can leave right now, he should stay over for the night and start therapy tomorrow morning."

"If we take him home with one of us," Rossi asks seeing the doctor's hesitation.

"I strongly recommend you keep close watch on him, and, bring him back to the hospital." Everyone nods at this and then, "Oh, you can see him now if you want." The doctor actually smiles this time and leads them to Spencer's room.

"Visitors, Dr.-"

"Spencer."

"Spencer," the doctor nods not missing a beat before walking out of the room to allow time for them to visit in private. No one really says anything as Reid tries to start a sentence, but fail every time.

"Ready to go home, Reid," Rossi asks calmly paying close attention to his body language.

"Yeah, actually, I am." This time Reid doesn't stutter and Morgan takes notice of how he pretends to put this behind him.

"One catch," Morgan adds on before Reid gets out of the hospital bed completely. "You have to spend the night with one of us and come back in the morning." Spencer understood why the doctor recommended it and knew this was a more realistic idea than being by himself for the rest of the night. After tonight, he can't fully trust himself at all. So, in his mind, it makes perfect sense.

"'Kay, who I'm going with then," as Spencer asks this Morgan quickly intervenes and offers which Reid goes ahead and accepts. "One more thing, though; why do I have to come back?" Hotch understood why Reid didn't want to come back; it reminded him too much of his schizophrenic mother.

"To start therapy," he says matter-of-factly getting nothing in return from Reid. "Reid, are you alright? Reid."

"Yeah, fine; I'm tired, let's go Morgan." He says making sure to hide his annoyance well.

**Morgan's Apartment- Night**

Reid finishes in the restroom and lies down on the couch thinking over the whole night and what this meant. A dull throb emits from his left arm and he looks apathetically at it. He pulls the covers around himself and falls to sleep almost immediately; with no nightmares, dreams, or thoughts.

**Morgan's Apartment- Morning**

Reid's shaken awake by Morgan and he heads off to take a shower. After he gets out, he wraps the towel around himself and frowns at the thought that his other clothes were covered in blood, the hospital's clothes had grey sweatpants and a white tee-shirt which Reid finally dresses in and he feels completely exposed.

Once Morgan gets out and dresses in denim jeans and a tight-fitting, black tee shirt he comes out of his room and tells Reid to have a seat and relax while he makes them something. Turns out Morgan's a great chief as Reid takes the time to savor the bacon and eggs and pancake. As if the last ten hours never happened, they hold a simple conversation and sent their fair jokes around. Then, looking a Spencer, Morgan notices that the hospital clothes really did no good to hide the scars on Reid's arms and he felt Reid didn't like it either. So, he pulls Spencer's attention to a less grim topic.

"Kid, the hospital has no sense of style. Are you really going to wear that?" Reid didn't know what Morgan meant or what his real intentions were and he tried to defend the clothes he was wearing without any real reason.

"They're fine, Morgan. I don't see what's wrong with them." Morgan shrugs leading Reid to his room and starts digging around in his closet.

"It's kinda small on me since my mom got it for me when last year and I think you pull it off better anyway. Here," Morgan adds on and Spencer catches the solid black, long-sleeved shirt.

"Thanks," he says before throwing it on over the white tee. Looking at the clock he notices Morgan's face.

"You look way better now, pretty boy." Reid just rolls his eyes and heads to the living room. Morgan's quick to follow and they leave for the hospital.

**In the parking lot**

Morgan and Reid get out of the car and make their way to the hospital's main entrance. Reid smiles then remembering the lyrics he heard on a radio station he listened to before.

"You make your way in

I resist you just like this

You can't tell me to feel……"

"…..You can't be too careful anymore

You've got to reach out a little more."

**.**

**So, whatcha think? I'm still working a few rough parts out of the second chapter for Spence's Younger Bor.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!!**

**ferret nin **


	2. Important

**To all of those waiting and expecting an update, I'm sorry to do this to you. However, this is important. **

IMPORTANT: Fan-fiction is still deleting stories that contain yaoi, yuri,  
lemons, violence, stories based on songs, and any detailed sex  
scenes so…just about every story on the site. Most everyone knows of the  
petition going around. If you haven't signed it, the link is www . change .  
org /petitions/fanfiction-net-stop-the-destruction-of-fanfiction-net  
Please remove spaces and sign petition so they don't remove mature content  
including fics and accounts. But there is more we can do.  
someones organizing a Black Out Day. On June 23rd(according to GTM timing, so  
that we know we're doing it together), do NOT go onto fan-fiction. Don't read,  
don't review, don't message your friends, don't update. If enough people  
participate, then the site will notice, and will realize we take our stories seriously.

Please spread the word any way you can, in any fandom! And let me know if  
you're going to join. The motto is "Unleash Your Imagination." How can we if  
we're being given a LONG list of what we cannot write?  
June 23rd. Remember it. Please! Fanfiction isn't going down without a  
fight!

**If decides to go through with deleting all the stories that contain such content or have an M rating, several authors, including me, might end up losing their accounts or all of the stories they've worked the hardest on. Please pass this on. will not get away with this!**


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